SOYAY PART II CHAPTER 10

NOT QUITE YET

Chan Juan looked outside the window, and spotted her son sitting across Mulan and the Chinese checkers board between them. Both were quietly concentrated. Chan Juan sighed. After seven months of being married to Li Shang, this girl had not yet learned to behave like a proper lady nor a worthy wife to the General of the Imperial Army.

Eventually, Chan Juan’s thoughts froze at hearing her son’s claim for victory.
“An Shing, the food’s ready!”

“But Mama,” the boy protested, “Just one more game.”

“No, come here immediately, “she ordered,, making sure she emphasized audibly for Mulan . “You have more important duties.”

Pouting, An Shing got on his feet and made his way into the kitchen, followed by Mulan who had previously picked up the board and wooden coins of the game they had been playing.

The maid placed a bowl of rice and steamed vegetables before each of them on the table, while Mulan helped her pour the tea.

“Mama, I  finally beat Mulan,” said An Shing, his mouth full.

“Congratulations,” said Chan Juan unenthusiastically.

Truth be told, Mulan was undefeatable at checkers, but this time, she had ignored some movements on purpose to let the boy win.

“Son,  it’s time that you go and practice your calligraphy,” dove in Chan Juan staring down at An Shing’s empty plate.

To the mother’s dismay, the boy immediately turned to his now elder sister, “Say Mulan, you will help me right?”

Certainly, she wouldn’t mind at all helping An Shing improve his skills with the brush and ink; however, Chan Juan’s glare compromised her answer.

“I… I…,” she began trying to come up with an excuse that would neither sound as if she were accusing his mother, nor as if she did not wish to aid him.

“What Mulan is trying to say, is that she has her own responsibilities to fulfill,” Chan Juan dove in,  “like washing your brother’s uniform.”

Mulan rolled her eyes. She did not need to be reminded of her chores, and least of all from Chan Juan, who seemed to know perfectly well what everyone else had to do, but did not do much herself; except for gossiping, criticizing, and offering her so called advise.  It was not as if she were her mother, plus she was not even Shang’s mother. Anyhow, she assumed her role as the head lady of the house quite well.

“But Mamma” An Shing insisted, “she can do that later. It’s not as if Shang’s gonna complain about not having his uniform clean, he’s got plenty of robes.”
“Yeah, the problem is they keep getting dirty and piling up, until he won’t have any clean clothes to wear,” Chan Juan remarked.

The boy finally gave up; thus, leaving the two women alone in the kitchen. He  did not understand the reason why his mother was still so reluctant to accept Mulan as part of the family, from his perspective Mulan was a kind woman who had actually softened his older brother, adding the fact she was really fun to hang out with.

For a moment, non of the ladies spoke a word as they finished their meals; but as Mulan silently collected her dishes and got on her feet Chan Juan spoke up in a dramatic tone, “Am I the only person who assumes her duties in this house?”
Mulan did not know what nor how to answer. She had worked hard to become a better wife; somehow her clumsiness kept getting in the way, and Chan Juan never seemed to be pleased. She could care less about her opinion. After all, Shang had not married her for her housewife abilities. Although Mulan had grown tired of putting up with Chan Juan’s constant chiding and criticism, she refused to cause any trouble; consequently, she replied as politely as she could… most of the time.

“One would think, that by now you’d stop spoiling my son and encourage him to study,” seeing Mulan’s lack of response, Chan Juan continued, “you know that the latest reports from the Academy say he’s not performing to his highest potential being son of a general.”

Was that an accusation?

“He has improved his martial arts,” Mulan finally spoke up, “plus it takes a while to develop perfect calligraphy, I think…”

“How dare you!” exclaimed Chan Juan, “Stop trying to look smarter. You think you know more on how I should raise my own son! ”

“He will become better, eventually,” Mulan finished her sentence.

“He won’t if you’re playing with him all the time!”

“He’s just a kid,” the younger woman reasoned.

“You can’t even bear your husband children yet!” Chan Juan exclaimed, “so don’t you dare try telling me how I should raise my own son.”

Mulan did not need to hear this. She had meant no harm, and now Chan Juan was practically insulting her. What did she even care? It was not as if her children would be her grandchildren.  They had not even been married for that long, and they still needed to adjust. . . Seven months without conceiving did not necessarily imply she was ... barren.

Without a word , Mulan angrily left the kitchen to gather Shang’s dirty laundry. Living with Chan Juan was the same as having a personal matchmaker at home.

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Mulan’s head landed hard on the pillow beneath, and instants later Shang gently let his head fall on her pounding chest. She smiled and stroked his dark straight hair with her fingers. He shut his eyes and allowed himself to rest from the strenuous physical activity they had been engaged in previously.  

When Shang raised his head to lock eyes with his wife,  she smiled before he pressed his lips softly upon her forehead, and then slowly slid down hers teasingly.
Soon after they pullled away, Shang took his place on the bed next to Mulan.

“So, why was Chi Fu here?” Mulan asked casually.

Shang sighed, he really did not want to ruin the mood thinking about the annoying consul, but he knew better, not answering would probably be worse. “Appointed me for an audience with the emperor.”

With the intention of diverting her from the topic, he gently caressed her back and nibbled on her shoulder; though she was pleased, he did not achieve what he originally intended.

“You think we should worry about another war?”

Shang parted his lips from her skin to answer.

“Nah, he probably  wants to confirm himself there’s nothing to worry about.” He stretched out his arm gesturing Mulan to come closer.  She placed her head on his arm and allowed him to wrap his other arm around her waist, the way they usually slept.

“ Can I go with you?” she asked, slightly turning her neck to face him.

He simply smiled, “Chan Juan’s being annoying again huh?”

“She never stopped. I’m serious Shang, one of these days…”

He cut her off with a kiss on her forehead.

“Tell her you’re pregnant , “ he suggested sliding his hand from her waist and settling it on her stomach, “ ‘cause I’m pretty sure we got it right this time. That‘ll shut her up”

She removed his hand immediately, and exclaimed his name, which only brought a cocky smile upon his face.

“But what if it worked this time?” the beaming in his eyes gave away his joy at the mere idea of them having children.

On the other hand, Mulan’s body was less close to Shang’s than it had been at the beginning of the conversation.

“I…” she stuttered thinking of a subtle way of saying she did not intend to get pregnant in the near future.  It was not that she did not want to have his kids; it was just that she needed more time to adjust.

“Well, what’s the big rush anyway? I mean kids…well they are such a huge responsibility .”

The distance between them was now evident to Shang.  She was now more closer to the other edge of the bed than she was to him.

“Mulan?” he called out bewildered, for she was, in fact, talking too fast.  However, she did not stop nor did she notice how far she was from him physically.

“If we had one right now, I probably wouldn’t be able to handle it,” she went on regardless of him seizing her attention, “I mean Chan Juan says I don’t fold your clothes properly, and my food tastes like …Shang!”

In a swift combination of movements Shang had rolled his way towards her, wrapped one arm around her waist bringing her closer to him once again.

“You are just so beautiful, Fa Mulan,” he said as he placed his hands on her shoulders.

She raised her brow unimpressed grinning lopsidedly, “and you think that actually works?”

“Well,” He began with a mischievous smirk, “it works for me, and I’m hoping it’ll work for you.”

“Just sleep, you have to leave early tomorrow.” Mulan took her place next to him, and lead his arm to rest on her waist.

“Wife?”

“Yes Husband?” she answered, her eyes closed.

“It’s not that I want to pressure you. You know how much I care for you.”

“Ok.”

He placed his hand on her head and ran his fingers through her dark straight long locks of hair.  “It’s just that I’ve been thinking that right now is the right time to become parents, now that China is at peace. You know how this state can so easily turn over, and well if something ever happens to me I… I don’t want to leave you alone.”

She opened her eyes, and turned herself around to face him. “What do you mean? You are not leaving me Shang, you understand?”

The young General sighed helplessly, he knew perfectly she would react this way. It was a situation he had his power on to control. Sooner or later, he would meet the same fate his father had faced to Shan Yu’s merciless hands. Ever since he was a kid, Shang was well aware of the fact that  soldiers perished in the battlefield, and it was an honorable deed he had always been expected to pursue.

“Mulan,” he began looking into her eyes, which portrayed her honest fear of losing him, “You’ve been a soldier, you know the way it works for us. I am General, and my end could come any day.”

“But Shang, you are brave, and strong,” Mulan protested, “It does not have to be that way.”

Tears were already welling up in her eyes. Deep down she knew he was right, but it was really frustrating to have him reminding it to her more than once. He was a soldier and an honorable man, there was no other alternative. It was simply inevitable.

Shang stroked her cheek softly, “I know, and believe me when I say that every single battle I fight, every war I win will be to keep you safe and unharmed. I have always known and accepted my destiny as a warrior.” He grinned for an instant; though his words had not made any difference to her. She loved him too much; incidentally, it was not enough for Mulan to live every instant fearing for his life to end.

She sighed. Somehow her frustration turned bitter. “And I suppose my destiny is to remain home taking care of our children, and tending  the house, right?”

“Well, unlike me, you do have alternatives,” replied Shang uneasily. He really did not want to initiate or even catalyze another argument about her role in society.
Mulan narrowed her eyes at him. “And I suppose you can’t wait for me to get pregnant so I can drop out of the army forever,” she spat.

“Damn it,” Shang retorted at her false accusation, “are you even listening to yourself? I have never said that. If there‘s someone who has supported your stay in the army, it‘s me. Needless to say, it has brought plenty of queries about my sense of honor and discipline.”

Mulan shot him one of the coldest glares he had ever received from her.

“Then you should have gotten rid of me when you had the opportunity!”

Why was she even saying that?

She got as far from him possible on the bed, for a moment, giving him the impression she felt repulsed by him.  She turned her back to him.

He froze. The thoughts suddenly flashing back into his head. Her identity revealed, Chi Fu urging her out of the tent uncovered to humiliate her before her colleagues, followed by the consul throwing her still wounded body onto the freezing snow. Nevertheless, even then, she had mustered some courage to explain why she had defied traditions, and she had begged for his mercy. Regardless of her frail condition and honest intentions, he had unsheathed the sword she had wielded so bravely in their recent encounter with the ruthless Huns; and he had held that same sword above her head to punish her crime. Until he remembered she was the same soldier who had so willingly risked his life to destroy the copious Barbarian army, the same soldier who had given him his hand in the avalanche, the same soldier who had selflessly gone back into the fierce snow  in search of his captain. This woman, amid she had broken the law, had been his best and most loyal soldier. To kill her, would have been a far worse crime than what she had done.

Shang banished the memory from  his mind. It was the past, she had forgiven him, and they were together. He stared at her back, and called out for her. Stubborn as she was,  she refused to answer or face him. Typical.

Eventually, Shang got on his feet and placed himself before her. He noticed the tears rolling down her eyes. He did not understand her. Why was she crying? After all she had been the one who brought up the memory. Was she unhappy? Despite the fact he did not recall saying or doing something on purpose to wound her feelings, he decided to set his pride aside and spoke up. “Mulan, don’t you ever say that again. I don’t regret you served in thearmy, nor everything you have done for our country.”

He stood there a while, waiting for her to reply, or even look up at him. He reached out for her hand, and she took it. Before long, he planted a kiss on her hand amorously and she finally said through her tears, “Shang, it’s just the thought of not having you here, I just can’t bear think of it.”

At last, everything made sense to him. She had gone upset because she cared for him, and not because she thought he did not support her, least of all, because of a silly whim.  Shang now understood perfectly; after all, he felt exactly the same way for her.

“It’s alright Mulan. I’m here,” he said soothingly, as he gently used his thumb to wipe the tears on her cheeks. Then, he offered his embrace for consolation. He felt so insensitive for being the cause for those tears.